I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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