I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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