Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
