Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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