I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
