Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
