she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
