my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
