So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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