He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
