Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
