I am in a vortex of obligation.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
