Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
