i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize