so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
