Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
