I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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