ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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