She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
