so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
