So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
