I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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