i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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