so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
