those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
