hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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