the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
