I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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