I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
