Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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