i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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