I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
