Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
