ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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