There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
