She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
