What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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