I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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