the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
