not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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