White coat. Heels.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
