and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
