yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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