I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
