i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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