If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
