Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i believe in u and ur pee
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
