Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
