Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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