dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
