we have pet lesbian snakes
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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