My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
