Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
