Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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