My friends, they love my intelligence
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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