dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
not ubering you a puppy
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
