I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
