You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
